Episode 3

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Published on:

1st Mar 2024

Listen Up! Listening Strategies for Success

Listen Up! Listening Strategies for Success

Know where you’re thinking from moment by moment. For effective and healthy listening, think for your heart with kindness and from the mind with creativity.

Talking and listening are equally bound together. What you say affects what the other person hears, and what you hear affects what the other person says. For example, speaking is related to pace, pitch, and volume, determining how the other person listens. Go too fast for some people, and they won’t hear what you’re talking about. Most commonly, there’s 80% talk and 20% listening. For healthy communication, talk and listen in balance equally with 50% talking and 50% listening.

Listening will create a new world of increased productivity, positive relationships, and success. Listen with your heart with kindness. Listen with the mind for attention and help others. Be your true, authentic self for healthy and productive communication.

Dr. Gary Epler / Eplerian Life Philosophy

Copyright© 2024 by Gary Epler, M.D. All rights reserved. This podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.


Transcript

Listen Up! Listening Strategies for Success

Dr. Gary Epler – Know where you’re thinking from moment by moment. For healthy listening, think for your heart with kindness and from the mind with creativity. We’ve heard about the importance of listening. English sound expert Julian Treasure has created a new perspective with his book, “How to Be Heard.” For example, early on in life, the growing baby hears from the body before the ears develop, so as adults, we can listen with our ears, eyes, hearts, and bodies.

What else does he talk about?

Talking and listening are equally bound together. What you say affects what the other person hears, and what you hear affects what the other person says. For example, speaking is related to pace, pitch, and volume, which determines how the other person listens. Go too fast for some people, and they won’t hear what you’re talking about. Most commonly, there’s 80% talk and 20% listening. For healthy communication, talk and listen in equal balance, with 50% talking and 50% listening.

What are the benefits of listening?

Here’s three – happiness, persuasion, and health. Happiness comes from balanced listening, especially with your close personal relationships. In addition, listening to positive, upbeat music and sounds can make you healthy and happy. Persuasion? People often say, “No one listens to me.” Speaking and listening need to be in balance. Listen to the other person first; then, you’ll know what to say so they’ll hear you. Positive listening is healthy. Loud sounds cause stress, leading to high blood pressure and strokes. Limit them by avoiding loud sound situations, wearing earplugs, or using high-quality headphones.

Why don’t people listen?

(1) Distracting background noise. (2) Not paying attention by being preoccupied with your own thoughts. (3) Stage three cellphone dependency, always having the phone in your hand, completely blocks out listening to the other person. (4) Jumping to conclusions by forming an opinion before the other person finishes their thoughts. (5) Listening to reply, not to understand, which means thinking about what you will say while the other person is talking. (6) Interpreting is the same thing; you’re thinking about what you will say rather than listening until the speaker is finished. (7) People pleasing, you’re thinking about trying to please the other person instead of listening to what they’re saying. (8) Seeking to give advice, waiting for a chance to offer a solution instead of listening and acknowledging the speaker. (9) Emotional reactions by becoming upset and shutting down what the other person is trying to say. (10) Lack of empathy by not thinking about the other person’s feelings.

How are these issues resolved?

Listen to the other person before you talk. Speak and listen with no self-centered thoughts from the primitive brain. Listen from your heart with kindness and listen from the mind with attention and understanding.

Speaking and listening need to be in balance. So, what’s the negative side of speaking?

(1) Competitive speaking with self-centered talk dominating the conversation. Solve this with no one-ups, no put-downs, and no destructive comments. (2) Gossip, which is speaking badly about someone who is not present. (3) Negativity. (4) Complaining. (5) Criticizing. (6) Blame. (7) Excuses. (8) Exaggerating and lying. (9) Closed mind with fixed opinions, not open to new ideas and ways of seeing things. (10) Authoritarian speaking by using opinions and emotions as facts.

How can these negative habits be eliminated?

These habits can be eliminated by no head thinking with self-centered thoughts from the primitive brain. Instead, speak from your heart with kindness and, speak from the mind with creativity, and help others.

What are good listening practices?

(1) Practice silence. It’s a sound. It’s between words and between thoughts. In silence, we hear who we are. Take a periodic silence break to recalibrate your hearing and enjoy beautiful, soothing, and healthy sounds. (2) Take the time to savor and enjoy sounds by consciously listening to the texture, harmony, and variety of sounds. (3) Listen with your ears, with your eyes, and with your heart. (4) Listen with different perspectives, including active listening to be understood, passive listening for pleasure, critical listening for offering an opinion, and empathy listening for offering kindness from your heart.

What are other good listening practices?

(5) Listen with humility, not self-importance. Be aware with conscious listening and have respect for the speaker. (6) Listen to nature. Call it the biophony; it’s healthy. Three natural sounds have been around for millions of years: wind, water, and birds. Listening to the sound of gentle wind, trickling water from a stream, or lapping waves from the ocean, and the sweet sound of songbirds is soothing and healthy. (7) Finally, organizations need to listen in balance, not 90% outbound and 10% inbound but equally with 50% outbound and 50% inbound.

Speaking and listening are the same thing, so what are the positive practices of speaking?

(1) Honesty and integrity. (2) Be clear with no filler words or filler sounds (3) Use straight talk with no obscuration. (4) Authenticity by being your true self, speaking from your heart with kindness. (5) Understand and know your and the other person’s listening styles. Are you a reductive listener going on a talking journey with an end solution, or are you an expansive listener going on the journey to share the enjoyment of being together?

Joan – Use your listening skills for pleasing, healthy conversations and improved relationships. Do you have any closing comments?

Dr. Gary Epler – Listening will create a new world of increased productivity, positive relationships, and success. Listen with your heart with kindness. Listen with the mind for attention and help others. Be your true, authentic self for healthy and productive communication.

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About the Podcast

Good Thoughts Podcast
Eplerian Life Philosophy / Alive In the Mind and Your Heart
Good Thoughts Podcast is about living your life with good thoughts from your heart with kindness and the mind with enduring joy. Listen to Dr. Gary Epler and host Joan Epler.

Good Thoughts Podcast is based on the Eplerian Philosophy of "Know who you are moment by moment." This means knowing where you’re thinking from and that’s who you are. There are five locations to think from: your head, heart, gut, body, and the mind, which is outside the body.

Think from your heart with kindness, giving, and being grateful. Live in the mind to help others and live an extraordinary life brimming with high energy, peak performance, unstoppable creativity, and enduring joy.

Discover a life-changing path to exhilarating living. It all starts with good thoughts.

About your host

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Gary Epler

Dr. Gary Epler is an internationally known Harvard Medical School professor, bestselling author, and opinion leader in health, peak performance, and leadership. He has impacted businesses and the lives of people throughout the world through his speaking, books, teaching and consulting. Dr. Epler is a successful serial entrepreneur as a founder and CEO of three companies. He has developed the "Eplerian Philosophy" a modern-day life philosophy for people to live their best lives at home, at work, and in the community.

Extended Bio: Dr. Gary Epler is an internationally known Harvard Medical School professor and opinion-leader in health, peak productivity and leadership. He is a bestselling author who has impacted the lives of people throughout the world through his speaking engagements, books, teaching and consulting. He has been called upon by individuals from around the globe who have a rare lung disease called BOOP that he discovered. He has developed the "Eplerian Life Philosophy" which is a modern-day life philosophy for people to live their best lives at home, at work and in society. This philosophy is based on brain science defined as “know who you are moment by moment.” This means stay out of your bad brain regions and stay in the good. Dr. Epler is a successful serial entrepreneur as a founder and CEO of three companies including a biotech company, a nutraceutical company, and a health management company. He is an award-winning speaker, addressing audiences about health, nutrition, productivity, and leadership.

Dr. Gary Epler has been recognized yearly since 1994 in The Best Doctors in America. He believes personalized health empowers people. He has written four health books in the critically acclaimed “You’re the Boss” series about people taking charge of their health including Manage Your Disease, BOOP, Asthma, and Food. Dr. Epler’s current book “Alive with Life. A Medical Doctor’s Guide to Live Your Best Life” about how to live an exhilarating life filled with high-energy, creativity, enjoyment, positive experiences and extraordinary people.

Dr. Epler discovered a new lung parasite in South America. He was at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta where he chronicled the nutritional needs of North African children and managed the tuberculosis refugee program in Southeast Asia. He was Chief of Medicine and Board Member at the New England Baptist Hospital for 15 years. He has written more than 110 scientific publications and given more than 500 seminars and workshops around the world. He has more than 30K social media followers including one post with 200K+ views. In addition to conducting clinical and research work, Dr. Epler strives to educate. He became editor-in-chief of an internet-based educational program in critical care and pulmonary medicine offered by the American College of Chest Physicians. Business Week acclaimed him for his development of e-health educational programs that enable patients to manage their health and diseases. Dr. Epler was recognized as one of Boston Magazine’s “Top Doctors in Town.”

Dr. Epler ran several marathons including Boston, New York, and proposed to his wife, Joan at the start of the Paris Marathon; and for their first anniversary, they ran the original Greek marathon together. He delivered the 20th baby from a mother who named the baby after him. He’s been one of the Boston Celtics team doctors. He has taught medicine throughout the world and was fortunate enough to save a dying infant in South America from an overwhelming parasitic infection by using the sap from a fig tree. He is a radio and television personality. He is a Hollywood screenwriter and has written a medical thriller movie, medical drama TV show, and a lifestyle reality TV show. He is active in the community. He coached soccer, basketball, hockey, baseball, and club baseball at Boston College. He lives in the Boston area with his wife, Joan.