Master Your Self-Control

Dr. Gary Epler – For self-control, apply the principle of knowing where you’re thinking from. Avoid primitive brain thinking, and think from your heart and the mind, which is outside the brain.

Joan – It’s something we with struggle every day, like resisting eating chocolate cookies or shopping the latest sales or skipping a day’s work.

You’re right. Self-control is the ability to manage our emotional response and behavior to impulses, temptations, and difficult situations.

That’s a big order. What happens if you don’t control your impulses and temptations?

Everyone knows the answer to this. It may be a temporary lapse in judgment or in the extreme, an out-of-control life-threatening situation. It’s like the primitive brain takes over.

What do you mean, the primitive brain takes over?

The primitive brain is the lower region and useful for instant responses to danger, but this is not the place for thinking. Thoughts from the primitive brain are self-centered and emotional with no consideration of other people and no concern about the unhealthy consequences of impulses and other bad behavior.

Do you have an example of how primitive brain thinking is related to self-control and talking with people?

Let’s take a group of people and have them do brain puzzles and games for an hour. After that. They have a conversation with a stranger. Half of the group does easy tasks and the other half does extremely hard tasks, which uses up all primitive brain thinking energy.

What happens when these two groups meet the stranger?

One group makes lifelong friends with the stranger, and the other group has such bad conversations; the stranger leaves the room.

Which group had the bad conversations? Is it the group that did the easy brain puzzles and had lots of primitive brain energy left over?

You’re correct. These people used primitive brain thinking. They either tried so hard to be friends with the stranger that the stranger didn’t know who they were. They were acting, not being themselves. Or, people used self-centered primitive brain thinking and drove the stranger away.

What about the group that didn’t think from their primitive brain?

They made lifelong friends with the stranger! There was no primitive brain thinking. They thought from their heart with kindness and giving, and they thought from the mind with creativity to talk about common interests and improving people’s lives. This applies to friends, romantic relationships, and business partners. For successful close relationships, it’s always about the other person, there is no place for selfish, self-centered thinking from the primitive brain.

How is this related to self-control?

Successful self-control is learning to think from the heart with kindness to yourself and others, and thinking from the mind, which is outside the brain, with creativity to solve problems and help people.

Joan – Mastering self-control is thinking from your heart with kindness and giving. Do you have any closing comments?

Dr. Gary Epler – Avoid primitive brain selfish thinking. Thinking from the primitive brain results in unhealthy and rude behavior. Think from the heart with kindness and the mind with creativity. This is human thinking. This is being your true authentic self. Thrive in your uniqueness.